Because Dad Says No

One of the most powerful tools I, the parent of a toddler, have at my disposal is bribery. Really, it's one of many diversionary tactics, but I find it more powerful than redirection or threats. It comes into play most frequently when we're out shopping, and recently, it helped to calm a small storm of emotion at a local farm supply store.

Eli was able to pick a small toy animal in exchange for his cooperation, and so he chose a small tortoise. He referred to it as the baby turtle and waged quite a reasonable argument to also buy the larger tortoise (the mama turtle) so that the baby wouldn't be lonely at home. I held my ground.

Weeks later, at the same store, he asked me if we could get the mama turtle, and so I offered him the terms by which I would agree, and he followed them to the letter. On our way out, we picked up the bigger tortoise. I asked him, "What if we got the dad turtle instead of the mama turtle for the baby? He wouldn't be lonely then." His response: "Nah. The dad says 'no' all the time." He's still a little too young to catch the irony there.

On further reflection, I realize that in lots of popular culture (especially Disney), the dad seems to serve a solitary purpose: to say 'no'.


Sure, the focus is usually on the independent spirit of the child, but there needs to be a foil to that spirit, and that is the responsibility of the dad. The mom nurtures, the dad says 'no'.


It's not some kind of power trip thing, though. Maybe it will be when he's 16 and knows everything, but for now he's only 3 and simply has an underdeveloped superego. It's not a fun job, either, to constantly be the villain; to force bath time, bed time, wearing pants in public, etc. It's not bad right now as expectations are pretty low for toddlers in general, but at some point, he'll have to be accountable.

He seems to be bridging logic gaps by the minute, and he speaks in a sophisticated enough manner that I have to remind myself that he's 3 on occasion. For now, I'll just keep denying his requests to fall into peril, write on the walls, or spit without prejudice. It's my job.